Roseanne & The Conners Wiki
Roseanne & The Conners Wiki

CPAPs, Hickeys and Biscuits is the nineteenth episode of Season 2 of The Conners, also the 30th episode overall.


Dan and Louise take their relationship to the next level and come to appreciate the complexities of aging. Meanwhile, Darlene spends the night in jail and hands off parenting duties to Ben. Mark and a friend work on a class experiment that leaves them both with hickeys, and Becky contemplates marrying Emilio.



Dan is playing Poker again, with his friends delighted to hear an update about Louise. Before he tries to change the subject, he says that he is nervous after losing Roseanne after 45 years, he does not want to ruin the new relationship. They talk about Dan's aging remedies such as if she will notice that he no longer has grey hair, or if she will notice Dan's breathing machine.

The Conners is recorded in front of a live studio audience.

Darlene is able to call Ben to let him know that she is going to jail. She says she was texting while at a traffic signal with a police officer that does not appreciate her sence of humor. She refused to sign the ticket and agrees to go to jail. She tells Ben to not worry about bailing her out, and to watch the children.

Mark has a lady friend with an identical personality at the house to work on a school project alone in their bedroom. Ben agrees, with Mark assuring that he is gay.

Dan is in Louise's bedroom. He has not told Louise nor did he bring the machine over. He has trouble sleeping so he tries to go home. She is startled when he knocks over a lamp on his way out. Louise wants to keep going with the relationship, so Dan has to stay. He decides to try breathing through an oridnary fan. This also wakes her up. With Dan talking into the fan, she thinks that he lost his mind after having sex earlier. She says that whatever is bothering him can be solved in the morning.

Harris and Becky tease Darlene, with Harris saying that she is actually Darlene's granddaughter. Darlene confronts Ben about Mark and Harper's hickeys. Ben says it is impossible for the two to give each other hickeys with Darlene disagreeing. Neither of them has talked to Mark since. They decide to sit and wait for him to get home from school. Since school just started, they have to sit quietly all day.

Becky shows up for work at The Lunch Box after dropping Beverly Rose off at her aunts' house. Dan says it is easy to calm infants by getting them drunk, with Becky annoyed that she knows more about her alcohol problem. She says that The tias insist that Becky marry Emilio. Becky partially agrees that she and Beverly Rose needs Emilio as much as he needs them. It seems like the right thing to do, but Becky does not sound interested. Dan tells her one more time that Becky could get in serious trouble. Jacky tries to talk Dan into accept Emilio, but he is concerned which house he is going to stay: the tias’ house or The Conners‘ house.

Jackie asks why Dan needs so much coffee. He says the could neither sleep nor tell Louise why. Jackie says that he has nothing to worry about.

Darlene is by herself with a laptop, food, and drink. Mark returns home from school to discuss the hickeys. Ben walks in, shocked. Mark says he thought they would practice kissing, but was not expecting Harper to make any moves on him. He promises that nothing else happened. Darlene tells him to get advice from Becky, remembering Becky's numerous secret hickeys.

Darlene does not approve about how Ben handled the parenting. Ben demands that she trust him. He wants to know why she did not tell the children to listen to Ben in the first place, and reminds her that they are supposed to be having a child together. Ben says that he does not belong in the relationship at all, and walks away. The usual remedy of sex does not work this time.

Darlene and Becky talk to each other about their problems. She is not ready to raise Beverly Rose without Emilio. Darlene says that it is interesting because Ben wants to be more involved with Darlene and Becky's children. This time Darlene agrees to have Ben watch Beverly Rose. Becky says that is not funny. Darlene shares that she divorced David, the father of her children, and found Ben. If Becky married Emilio, the same thing might happen. However, Ben says that he has finished packing. She asks Darlene why she is pushing him away.

Ben gives Darlene one last chance to tell him why they should not live together. Darlene says that she is a failure that is not willing to leave home. Ben says that he is even more screwed up by willing to share their lives with each other, and he is okay with it. He talks Darlene into moving in together.

Dan is back at Louise's place. He finally confesses that he has to sleep with a machine. Louise says that she won't fault Dan for needing to have a breathing machine, and says they need to stop keeping secrets from each other. She says they have earned the right to look like they have fallen apart, while agreeing that they do not even feel old.

Dan returnes to his house to take Chuck to work. Dan opens an envelope and tells Chuck that his health expences necessitated in getting yet another mortgate, which has now been foreclosed.

Ben decides to spend time with "Count Suckula", unaware that he is being pranked by him and Darlene. He begins embarrassing himself talking about sex. Mark is amused until he starts laughing. He asks Ben how he is going to repay Darlene. Ben says that it is not supposed to be for mature relationships, but since Ben still does not have a child of his own, Ben says that he will let Mark know when he thinks of something.



Special Guests[]




The Conners: Season Two
Preemies, Weed and InfidelityA Kiss Is Just A KissThe Preemie MonologuesLanford... LanfordNightmare on Lunch Box StreetTempest in a Stew PotSlappy HolidaysLanford, Toilet of SinSmoking Penguins and Santa on Santa ActionThrowing a Christian to a BearMud Turtles, A Good Steak and One Man in a TubLive From LanfordBrothers, Babies and BreakdownsBad Dads and GradsBeards, Thrupples and RobotsTats and TiasThe Icewoman ComethPilot Lights & Sister FightsCPAPs, Hickeys and BiscuitsBridge Over Troubled Conners
Season Episode Guides

Roseanne: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Season 7Season 8Season 9Season 10
The Conners: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4