"D-I-V-O-R-C-E" was the third episode of Roseanne, also the 3rd episode of the Season 1 of the series. Directed by Ellen Falcon and written by David McFadden, it originally aired on ABC-TV on November 1, 1988.
Dan and Roseanne dine Two-For-One Tuesday at the Lanford Inn, at the reluctance of Dan. While dining, Dan and Roseanne run into an old friend, Patsy, who has some surprising life changes to attribute to Roseanne.
- Roseanne Barr as Roseanne Conner
- John Goodman as Dan Conner
- Laurie Metcalf as Jackie Harris
- Michael Fishman as D.J. Conner
- Sara Gilbert as Darlene Conner
- Lecy Goranson as Becky Conner
- Patsy refers to Roseanne talking about how she wanted to be a successful author during a summer barbecue. This is the first time we discover that Roseanne has always dreamed of being a writer.
- Roseanne: That's right Dan, restaurants don't serve married couples on Tuesdays.
- Roseanne: It's nice going to a restaurant that don't have a drive-thru.
- Roseanne (to Dan): I got myself one heck of a hot date here.
- Dan: Is he bigger than me?
- Jackie (while reading the newspaper): Roseanne, listen to this. Utah housewife stabs husband 37 times.
- Roseanne: I admire her restraint.
- [When Darlene goes into the kitchen and gets a pan of popcorn out of the cabinet]
- Becky: What are you doing?
- Darlene: Making popcorn.
- Becky: Mom said we're not allowed to use the stove, remember?
- Darlene: I'm not gonna use the stove.
- Becky: What are you gonna do, eat it out of the pan?
- Darlene (sarcastically): No, I'm gonna take it outside and wait for a bolt of lightning to hit it.
- Becky (to Roseanne): Cindy Clark's mom lets her babysit.
- Roseanne: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a drunken slut!
- Becky (to Roseanne): You know, Cindy Clark's mom pays her two dollars an hour for her to babysit.
- Roseanne: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a rich drunken slut!
- Roseanne: Face it, this marriage is like a life sentence with no hope for parole.
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