Fights and Stuff was the 25th episode and the final episode of Season 8 of Roseanne, also the 198th overall series episode.
It was written by Cynthia Mort and Sid Youngers from an original story by Eric Gilliland, and was directed by Mark K. Samuels. It originally aired on ABC-TV on May 21, 1996.
Plot[]
In-Depth[]
Dan returns home to strict diet regime and other rules, but the regime is too much for Dan to handle. He goes against it behind Roseanne's back. When she finds out, it leads to a huge argument after he makes himself a PB&J sandwich, and saying that she never lets him do anything around the house, and she argues back by criticizing some of his choices, during which old resentments are brought up, including the other's weight, lack of decent income, conflicting parenting styles, unbearable mothers, trashing the house, in their anger at each other. Dan almost says that he wishes he NEVER married Roseanne, but luckily, he stops himself just in time. However, Roseanne knows what he was about to say and replies that he makes two of them.
In the end, Roseanne tells Dan that he can die if he wants, but he'll have to do it without her, as she won't stick around to watch, and she storms out to Jackie's house, leaving Dan alone with the mess. Their marriage looks to be on the verge of complete collapse.
Cast[]
Starring[]
- Roseanne as Roseanne Conner
- John Goodman as Dan Conner
- Laurie Metcalf as Jackie Harris
- Sara Gilbert as Darlene Conner (credit only)
- Lecy Goranson as Becky Conner (credit only)
- Michael Fishman as D.J. Conner
Guests[]
- Cole Roberts as Jerry Conner
- Jana Robbins as Dr Walker
Trivia[]
- Roseanne and Dan's lines about fixing dinner is a callback to the argument they had in the Pilot of the series, with the 'three years' changed to 'eleven years' since it had been eight years since that argument transpired.
- This is one of only two episodes this season not to feature David Healy (Johnny Galecki), the other being "The Last Date".
- Despite being credited, Sara Gilbert (Darlene Conner) and Lecy Goranson (Becky Conner) both do not appear. This is the first and only finale where Darlene is completely absent, while it's the third and final finale where Becky is completely absent. It will also be the final time until Season 10 where Lecy is credited as a regular.
Quotes[]
- Dan: Oh, well, look at this stuff, honey. Peas, carrots, squash? I mean, here I am, a grown man, and you've got me eating like a rabbit.
- Roseanne: Yeah, well, I know it's hard, but just keep it up, a little time passes, and you're stuck in a rut, which is right up your alley.
- Dan: Well, doctor's orders or not, I can't do this, honey, it's hell. I can't live this way. I mean, I want my food back, you know, real food. Dead animals, brightly colored snacks, things on sticks.
- Roseanne: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna keep cooking those crap dinners that got you in this mess in the first place, Dan.
- Dan: Well, what about all the crap breakfasts and crap lunches?
- Roseanne: Well, gee, Dan! If you don't like my cooking, maybe you should cook yourself.
- Dan: Well, maybe I will.
- Roseanne: Oh yeah? Maybe you should. That'll be fun to watch.
- Dan: Fine! (slaps the table and shoves his chair out from under it to get up) You want me to fix dinner? I'll fix dinner! I'M FIXING DINNER!
- Roseanne: Oh, but honey, you just fixed dinner eleven years ago!
- Roseanne: You know what you are, Dan? You are a big, fat guy with absolutely no self-control. You're Jerry Garcia without the music.
- Dan (to Roseanne): Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Let's back up here. You're calling me fat?
- Roseanne: Yeah, I'm calling you fat.
- Dan: Well, if that ain't the big, fat pot calling the kettle black!
- Roseanne: You better not be calling me fat!
- Dan: I'm gonna go watch TV.
- Roseanne: Of course you are, Dan, cause that's what you always do when anything gets too damn real around here!
- Dan: I do not do that.
- Roseanne: Yes, you do. you run to that TV & you walk away from me, every single time there's a problem in this family!
- Dan: Why the hell shouldn't I walk away? You never let me do squat around here. Problem with the kids, hey, you'll handle it, cause I'd share as hell just screw it up!
- Dan: I watched these kids grow up around here without ever knowing what was going on or even who they were and just look at the way they turned out.
- Roseanne: I think they turned out great.
- Dan: Oh, please, Roseanne! Look at them. They're not exactly the Kennedy kids!
- Roseanne: No, they're not, but their dad sure drinks like Uncle Teddy!
- Roseanne (to Dan): Well, what the hell do you think I was doing all those years at Wellman's and Rodbell's and the beauty parlor and the diner? You think I was just earning enough money to go out and buy new hats? And if it wasn't for me, the bank would've came and took this house a long time ago, Dan.
- Dan (to Roseanne about their children): They're failures, Roseanne, and the only reason you won't admit it is because you'll have to admit you failed as a mother!
- Roseanne: The only way I failed as a mother is to let Becky and Darlene get married so young that they threw their whole life away on a man just like I did.
- Dan: You didn't throw away a thing.
- Roseanne: Yes, I did, Dan. I threw everything away.
- Dan (to Roseanne): Well, you just move to Chicago for all I care. Then maybe your damn family won't be hanging around here all the time. Give me some room for my family to come. Hell, they can't even show up for Thanksgiving anymore.
- Roseanne: Oh, so that's it, huh? It's my fault that you don't have any kind of relationship with your family? God, you are pathetic! Did I ever stop you from picking up that phone and calling your mother?
- Dan: Hey, at least I put my mother in a psychiatric hospital where she can get some help instead of letting her run around the street like yours, scaring people!
- Roseanne: Well, my mother might be like fingernails on a chalkboard, Dan, but at least she's allowed to grow fingernails!
- Dan: Boy, I'll tell you, I wish I had never m....
- Roseanne: What? Say it.
- Dan: Nothin'
- Roseanne: Well, that makes two of us. You can die if you want to, Dan, but you're gonna have to do it alone because I'm not gonna sit here and watch you. I'll be at Jackie's.
| Roseanne: Season Eight | |
|---|---|
| Season Episode Guides
Roseanne: Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • Season 4 • Season 5 • Season 6 • Season 7 • Season 8 • Season 9 • Season 10
| |
| DVDs | |