Gas Pump, House Dump and Stew Volcano is the sixteenth episode of Season 4 of The Conners, also the 67th episode overall.
Summary[]
As Darlene searches for a home that she and Becky can afford, ol' Don Blanksy returns with an offer they can't resist, no matter how spooky. Then, after an attempt to boost business at The Lunch Box goes awry, Jackie finds herself apologizing to Ben and rethinking her future running the place.
Plot[]
After Ben's success in making a mini commercial playing at gas stations, Jackie wants a commercial for The Lunch Box. Darlene and Becky decide to move in together after they find an enormous house for a Song.
In-Depth[]
Dan is upset about Hollywood's secret puncture resistant tires. Louise and Becky fight about Energy Drinks. At that moment Ben announces the distribution of his latest commercial. Darlene is confused while Jackie thinks it is a great idea. Ben helps Jackie with the commercial. Harris decides to move in with Aldo while Louise moves her belongings to the house. She says that she needs her own separate space from Dan. Darlene decides to move from Lanford again. Since Becky is at University and going to stay with Darlene, Jackie opposes them moving that far out.
Don Blansky decides to visit The Conner Family asking if he knows any body that is going to buy a property that was used as a Funeral Home. Don said that it is time for him to move to a better property since his current building, actually a Victorian House, is insufficient to be a Funeral Home. Darlene says that if people suddenly remember to wear Masks and to become No Sugars Added Vegans, nobody would die. Don still wants to sell the house. Dan is interested in the property himself, as he and The Mitchells had personally renovated and maintained it. He says that Don's family has very good taste. Becky hates the idea and tells Don it is no better than a Slaughterhouse. Don persists, and is upset that people fear him for being an Undertaker. Becky is revolted at the thought about dating him. Dan insists that Darlene and Becky make an offer for the property as it is unusual for Sellers to recruit people. Darlene tells Becky that they have no choice: Pulaski Street is on the way to The Lunch Box. The location is perfect especially considering that they can not even afford a Swamp. Dan orders them to talk to The Undertaker.
Ben is ready to make Jackie's Commercial. Jackie, Seeing Stars, wants a Car Commercial. Ben says there is no way he has the time nor money to be able to make that type of Commercial. He gives her very reasonable dialogue. Jackie reminds Ben that Hardware is Recession Proof. Ben tries again. Jackie loves a "Mount VeSTEWvius" slogan. Ben gives up for the moment.
Don shows Darlene and Becky the house. It has Stained Glass Windows, Pressed Tin, and Original Oak Floors. Becky is uninterested. As Don leaves to answer a call from his Mother, Darlene is absolutely thrilled. Becky notices that the house has an Elevator. As they attempt to use it, they notice it is a type of large Freight Elevator used to lift Caskets and Coffins. Becky says that the same thing shall happen to them should they miss a payment. As Don returns to check on them, Darlene says she is going to make changes such as removing the dead bodies. Don says that there are no dead bodies on the property. After that, he says he can be VERY accomodating because nobody wants to buy the house. He is unable to afford that place any more which is compelling him to commit Insurance Fraud. Becky is excited. They have until Next Tuesday to make an official decision. Don leaves to address His Mother's Terrible Cooking. He gives them possesison of the house right away.
Darlene and Becky enter a room that seems to be the perfect bedroom for Beverly Rose, or perhaps her Play Room. As they inspect the items in the room, they see the instructions of how to console grieving children. Becky also notices Charlotte's Web, unaware that Charlotte died leaving behind her children. They are upset so much sadness is in the walls of their house.
Ben is trying to shoot the Commercial. A simple review by Harris is no good for Jackie. Ben proceeds to make a second Commercial for her. Harris finds a hair in her Stew with Jackie very upset. The next Take Jackie decides to Pimp Harris For Stew. Jackie tells Ben that they are not actually going to do that. The best solution would be to have Harris by herself in the Commercial. Ben warns Jackie that Diner Food is not Human Trafficking. Jackie is livid and says that Ben is spoiled. Ben makes one last attempt to help her before leaving. Harris says she admires Jackie. However, she tells Jackie she has no intention to dance on the counter.
Becky and Darlene tell Louise and Dan about the house. They tell Darlene and Becky that the Housing situation is corrupt and simply impossible. When a property is too good to be true, they must take it anyways, and be sure to protect their property forever. He also says that people die and are dead in houses all the time. He is very upset when Darlene says she has resumed looking for houses outside of Lanford. Nothing Down, $500.00 U.S.D. Per Month, Take Over Payments, is simply not some thing that happens. Instead, Real Estate Agents, Mortgage Lenders, Rental Property Companies, and even Public Self Storage hates it when people buy houses. Gentrification is rampant. Also, Dan joins Jackie's opposition about them being too far away. Even Becky, who is not going to pay any bills, demands that Darlene reconsider. Dan leaves the room remembering how difficult it was to visit them in Chicago. Beverly Rose walks in telling Becky about Charlotte's Web. Louise decided to omit the part where Charlotte died. Moving away would result in Emilio not being able to see his daughter.
Jackie asks Dan why he is dressed up. He is festive because of a place that sells Green Hot Dogs, which annoys Jackie's restaurant dilemma. Ben walks in to join Dan. Before they leave, she apologizes to Ben, and eventually explains the problems running the restaurant. She is about to fall apart. If she does not calm down, she says she is going to sell The Lunch Box instead. He agrees to teach her how to keep books. With Ben's assistance, Jackie no longer has to work overtime.
Dan and Louise tell them they are going to buy the property themselves. Louise can not stress enough how much of a problem The Corrupt System is. Since the location is perfect, and available for practically nothing, they offer to do what ever else is needed to mjake Darlene and Becky live in that house. Louise also says that if Darlene and Becky remain unhappy, Dan is willing to remove the house, and replace it with another. Dan was unaware that Louise thought about him. He has left Construction to work for Ben, who also is counted on for household renovations. Dan begs Louise to stop, with Louise saying that she can help build a new house. This house can be what ever they desire. When Dan is on board, Darlene is worried that considering the house was a Funeral Home that he might die on the job. As Darlene and Becky go find Don, Dan starts to get worried about rebuilding the other house. Louise might need to do most of the work, all of the work, or even without him.
Jackie has distributed a commercial which involves a volcano erupting the stew. She says there is no need to go that far to find Stew and instead is much easier to order Happy Hour at The Lunch Box while Harris dances in the background.
Cast[]
Starring[]
- John Goodman as Dan Conner
- Laurie Metcalf as Jackie Harris
- Sara Gilbert as Darlene Conner
- Lecy Goranson as Becky Conner
- Michael Fishman as D.J. Conner (credit only)
- Emma Kenney as Harris Healy
- Ames McNamara as Mark Healy II (credit only)
- Jayden Rey as Mary Conner (credit only)
- Jay R. Ferguson as Ben Olinsky
Special Guest[]
Guests[]
- Patton Oswalt as Don Blansky
- Charlotte Sanchez as Beverly Rose Conner
Trivia[]
- Despite being credited, Michael Fishman (D.J.), Jayden Rey (Mary) and Ames McNamara (Mark) do not appear.
Quotes[]
Ben And Jackie[]
Any time you feel like it's all too much, just give me a call, day or night.
Really? Day OR Night?
Let's just say ... day ... or ... you know ... later ... in the day.
Louise And Darlene[]
The only thing you don't like about that house is the house.
Right. Well when you are buying a house, the house is most important part of the house.