Roseanne & The Conners Wiki
Roseanne & The Conners Wiki

Like, a Virgin was the 3rd episode of Season 3 of Roseanne, also the 50th overall series episode. Written by Brad Issacs, the episode was directed by John Whitesell. It originally aired on ABC-TV on October 2, 1990.

Plot summary[]

Roseanne decides it's time to give Becky "the talk" after she sees that Becky is getting more and more attention from 'edgier' boys. To her surprise, it's Darlene that is kissing and having a boyfriend- and making out on the couch while Roseanne and Dan are out.  However, while Darlene does like Brian, she only let him feel her up so that she could beat Becky to the punch.  Dan is astounded (since he always pegged Darlene as an eternal tomboy due to their shared interests) but he seems to take it in stride.


  • In this episode Becky makes a comment saying that Darlene has never kissed anybody. But in the season 2 episode "House of Grown-Ups," Darlene said she kissed Mark Winston at her baseball game after he saved her shutout.
  • In this episode when Darlene and Brian are sitting on the sofa after getting caught Darlene has a fake left hand.


Roseanne (after catching Darlene making out with Brian on the couch): Darlene!
Darlene (in a little girl's voice): Hi, Mommy.

Darlene: (to Becky) Did you get felt up?
Becky: (shocked) No!
Darlene: (smiles) Ha. I did.

Dan (to Roseanne): Geez, how come we can't ever do anything fun with Gary and Jackie?
Roseanne: Because they're family.

Jackie (about Darlene): Did you notice how her blouse was a little bit...
Roseanne: Like it hadn't been on her back all night?

Dan: Darlene! Get down here!
Roseanne: Dan, that's not going to help.
Dan: Not in this house it won't. You know the rules. No boys will touch my daughters in my house.
Roseanne: That won't do anything. The only thing that'll do is make sure she has a family of four by the time she graduates high school!
Darlene: Yeah?
Dan: Get back upstairs!

Roseanne (to Becky and Darlene): Listen, girls. Sex, is something that is not even gonna be good until you're, you know, older.
Becky: Mother...
Roseanne: No, no we never really talked about sex and I think we should have that discussion now.
Darlene: Alright, go ahead.
Roseanne (runs her hand over her face as she talks): Well, uh, if you were to uh... do it now, sure you were to have some pleasure, but it would be a lot better.
Darlene: What you're tryin' to say is that we're far too young to be going all the way.
Becky: Both you're body and mind have to reach a certain maturity.
Roseanne: Yeah...
Darlene: And you don't wanna regret it later.
Becky: And hey you have to love the guy.
Darlene: You have to respect him or it's meaningless.

Roseanne: Yeah and you'd have to make sure that...
Roseanne & Darlene: And he needs to respect you.
Roseanne: Well, I guess I feel real good about our little chat here you guys feel good about it?
Darlene: Absolutely.
Becky: Definitely.
Roseanne: That's great, good night, I love you. (leaves)
Becky: How lame.

Darlene: Tryin' to look all grown-up for 'Robert'?
Becky: Get human, Darlene.
Darlene (smirking): I hear he does the nasty with college girls.
(Dan looks up sharply)
Roseanne: Well, I certainly hope he gets extra credit for that.
Becky: He just dated a senior who took some college courses! It's no big deal-
Roseanne: Yeah, sure. (brushing Becky's hair) Whattaya think, Dan? Pigtails and ribbons?
Dan: (watching TV) works for me.
Becky: Forget it, I'll do it myself!
Darlene: Good luck covering up those fresh zits tonight, Princess!
Becky: You're just jealous 'cause I'm anatomically correct!
Darlene: And I bet you can't wait to show Robert!

Roseanne: Season Three
The TestFriends and RelativesLike, a VirginLike, a New JobGoodbye Mr. RightBecky, Beds and BoysTrick or TreatPMS, I Love YouBird is the WordDream LoverDo You Know Where Your Parents Are?ConfessionsThe Courtship of Eddie, Dan's FatherThe WeddingBecky Does not Live Here AnymoreHome-EcValentine's DayCommunicable TheaterVegas InterruptusHer Boyfriend's BackTroubles with the RubblesSecond Time AroundDances with DarleneScenes from a BarbecueThe Pied Piper of Lanford
Season Episode Guides

Roseanne: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Season 7Season 8Season 9Season 10
The Conners: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4