The Test was the opening episode of Season 3 of Roseanne, also the 48th overall series episode. Written by Bob Myer, the episode was directed by John Whitesell. It originally aired on ABC-TV on September 18, 1990.
The Conner family is on pins and needles when Roseanne thinks that she is pregnant again, each member voicing their unwanted opinion to her one by one.
As the clock ticks away, waiting five minutes for the test result seems like an eternity. Meanwhile, Becky is growing impatient waiting for Dan to give her a driving lesson.
- Roseanne: I've only been late three times in my life! (Darlene and Becky walk in) And here come two of them now!
- Jackie (to Roseanne): What's the rush?
- Roseanne: You told me to hold my first morning's urine. I've been holding it for seven hours.
- Becky (to Roseanne): Don't you want me to go to college?
- Roseanne (sarcastically): No, Becky, your father and I want you to work in a bowling alley.
- [As Roseanne and the family are about to find out the results of Roseanne's pregnancy test]
- D.J.: I wanna read the stick! I wanna read the stick!
- Darlene: Geez, D.J., it's not like licking the spoon.
- Roseanne: Well, an accident is something that if you had to do it over again you wouldn't. But a surprise is something that you didn't even know you wanted until you got it.
- D.J.: Was Darlene an accident?
- Dan: No, Darlene was a disaster.
- Dan: This shouldn't have happened, Roseanne. We took precautions.
- Roseanne: Yeah, well they didn't work.
- Dan: Well, you should have known it was your fertile time.
- Roseanne: Well, excuse me for ovulating.
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